This evening my wife went out with a girlfriend for some much-needed adult time. I knew this ahead of time, but still I was dreading the actual departure of the matriarch, as I was sure it would lead to a bout of hysterical sobbing on the part of Daughter #1…my fears certainly came to fruition—1 hour of “I want Mommy.”
So prior to this as a means to soften what would be the eventual dramatic exit of Mommy for the evening, I thought it would be a good idea to go pick up a recently-released animated film that we could use to fill the couple of hours between Mom’s departure and bedtime. Little did I know that this would end up being mildly disastrous…
In an effort to streamline the movie selection process, I jumped on the “interwebs” to find out which Redbox kiosk contained the movie I was looking to acquire. Finding one within a mere 1.5 miles from our home, I was out the door to supply the evening’s catnip. Strange, this is my second time comparing my daughters to cats? I have no idea where this is coming from…I hate cats, love my daughters, hate cats.
I arrived at the kiosk in 5 minutes flat. Went through the rental process, including a series of promotional codes in an effort to get a free nights rental. It came to the final process of swiping the credit card when I experienced the glitch. The machine seemed to accept my card and I could hear the machine’s cogs and springs turning with righteous intent, but it was clear to me that something was wrong. Then I received the error message: We are unable to dispense your DVD as requested. Your credit card will not be charged. Please try another Redbox location. I was at a loss. Now I knew that this machine was the only one that contained the film I desired within a 15-mile radius. Yet I still thought I would try the other 4 locations I would pass on my return trip home in an effort to follow through on my movie commitment. You see, right before I left to go get the rental, child #1 asked where I was going. I informed her that father was leaving to pick up a delightful piece of cinematic mirth that would fill her evening with imaginative joy. I realize that there is no doubt that I will disappoint my children many times throughout their lives, but you would hope that when they are this young, it would be easy to placate them, since their requests are generally minimal and easy to provide.
When I arrived back at home after being gone for 30 minute of what was supposed to be a quick roundtrip, the first words out of #1’s mouth were, “Where’s the movie, Daddy?” Sadly, after all the other stops, I was unable to acquire the disc. All locations were sold out for the evening it would seem. When I informed her that I was unable to get it, I attempted to explain that there was a malfunction with the kiosk, and Daddy was not able to get the movie. I think she failed to grasp the intricacies of my excuse. It killed me to see her little shoulders drop, wrought with disillusionment as she walked back to her Magnadoodle®. Therefore, I had a strike against me before Mom had even mentioned that she was about to go out for the night.
Mom left a few moments later as her friend arrived to take her out for the night. #1 turned on the water works. “Mommy don’t go. I want you to stay!” she exclaimed. This went on for 2 minutes as my wife made her departure. Daughter #1 then proceededto further turn the blade that was “daddy sucks” by putting on her shoes, scarf and coat as she began to fumble with the dead bolt lock and doorknob (see previous entry) in an effort to escape the non-movie-providing clutches of her father.
This was terribly comedic as it was upsetting. I laughed in amazement as to the firefighter-like speed in which she got herself ready to follow mommy out the door. This completely debunks her excuses during our morning ritual of getting ready for the day that she is unable to dress herself. I wish I had a video camera rolling so that I could show it to her each morning with righteous indignation while she fights getting dressed. But at the same time I was terrible bummed at the fact that my departure from the house never inspires such histrionics.
A popcorn accord was agreed upon, and #1 was content to place her mommy woes to the back burner and we were ready to settle in for some dvr’ed episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba.
Thank you DJ Lance.
I should also mention that while all of this is going on Daughter #2 was giggling like a maniac from the vantage point of her Exersaucer® at her big sister’s tantrum. I believe this will be the status quo for the next 15-20 years.
There is a touching silver lining to this evening’s tale, but this entry has already become too verbose. To be continued…
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