The Great Escape

Child #1 has reached a new and rather annoying milestone…the ability to operate door knobs. Now for many of you that do not have children, you may be perplexed as to why this is even a matter for concern. When you put a 2 ½ year old child to bed, I liken the experience to herding cats: you may have been able to put the subject into bed, but odds are that in a matter of minutes the aforementioned “cat” will eventually slink out of bed to the toy box or some other locale in the vicinity. This is where the inability to coordinate thumb and fingers while turning a knob can be an asset. Trapping a small child in a room as a means to get them to go to sleep may seem mildly cruel to some of you, but after 1 ½ hours of bedtime stories, OCD blanket and pillow selection, and a series of creative excuses to try to stay off sleep for a few more minutes, shutting the cell door is typically the last resort to get the offender to hit the hay.

This technique came to a screeching halt on Monday morning when I was startled by Daughter #1 gently rapping at the shower door. “Daddy, I want more milk in my bottle…sister is crying.” These fateful words marked the end of an era.Now I am left with the choice to leave things the way they are, or to install a child-proof door knob device. I recall as a youth that my parents had done just this. I don’t really remember any particular frustrations or irreversible damage on my part from this device. In fact, if my memory serves me, I recall that I was able to use the simple plastic device to torture my younger, less-coordinated siblings—laughing maniacally after trapping them in rooms that were equipped with the child-proof apparatus.

What to do? Shall I continue along this path of raising a free-range toddler, or will I implement the equivalent of baby barbwire in order to maintain the morning ritual routine? Stay tuned followers…there may be a riot in cell block #9.